American business magnate and philanthropist Bill Gates has suggested that the world is secretly being controlled by a global network of conspiracy theorists.
In a statement he said he has uncovered evidence of attempts to ‘spread chaos and confusion’ in attempt to take over the world.
He claimed leaked documents ‘prove the venture is being run from a hollowed-out volcano by Elvis Presley and Michael Jackson’ and that ‘their pet yeti is really a lizard with superpowers that will strike and seize power as soon as the whole world is brought to its knees by some sort of global crisis.’
The volcano, conveniently located in the Bermuda Triangle so nobody can actually find it and it doesn’t even appear on Google Earth, is home to the flying saucer from Roswell, the Loch Ness Monster, all the props necessary for a fake moon landing and the US governments blueprint for destroying the twin towers.
Mr Gates claims the documents he has uncovered show evidence that, ‘should the quest for world domination fail, the backup plan is to open a museum somewhere entirely inaccessible where they intend to display the items to absolutely nobody.’
The first promotional video for the museum has already been recorded by Osama Bin Laden.
