Boris Johnson has sacked his recently-appointed press secretary Allegra Stratton after it was discovered her cheeks turn bright red every time she lies.
“Obviously a position of this sensitivity requires someone who can reel off a string of absolute stinking porkers without batting an eyelid,” said the Prime Minister.
“Unfortunately we’ve done a number of trial press conferences with Allegra, and whenever she has to tell even a slight fib her face turns redder than Jeremy Corbyn’s pyjamas.
“It’s a dead giveaway that even idiots like Kuenssberg and Peston will spot a mile off, I’m afraid she has to go.”
Reflecting on her sudden departure from the heartbeat of government, Stratton said: “I tried my best, but in the end it became a psychological thing.
“Every time I was about to spin a lie about what a great job Boris was doing I could feel the blood rushing to my cheeks like a tidal wave.”
Downing Street has now begun the search to find a replacement press secretary.
The Prime Minister remarked: “It’s got to be someone who can spread toxic falsehoods on an industrial scale. Donald Trump’s going to be out of a job soon, I wonder if he’d be interested.”
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