In a dramatic shake-up at the heart of government, Matt Hancock has been sacked as Health Secretary and replaced by Strictly Come Dancing winner Bill Bailey.
Many political commentators have seen the move as a cynical ploy by the Prime Minister to regain the nation’s support.
“I’d like to thank the Mattster for all his hard work during the covid-19 crisis. But let’s face it he had to be sacked because he’s utterly useless,” said Mr Johnson.
“Instead I want to capitalise on the undoubted popularity of Mr Bailey and look forward to riding on his coat-tails for as long as possible.”
Mr Johnson revealed it had been unexpectedly difficult to choose a candidate to replace Mr Hancock.
“My initial plan was to appoint a political big hitter,” he said. “Someone who was a safe pair of hands when compared to Hancock, however Chris Grayling told me he didn’t want the job.
“Then I thought about appointing Sam Allardyce, but unfortunately West Bromwich Albion got in there before me.
“However when I switched on the telly box at the weekend and saw how much people liked Bill Bailey, I immediately realised there was someone I could exploit to get me out of a hole.”