Ice cream van company Mr Whippy has announced it’s to cut 1000 jobs due to the impact of awful jokes by dads and uncles all over the country.

A spokesman for the company said research showed that 67% of under 12s now believe that the ice cream van playing its chime is an indication that there is no ice cream left. He said it was typical of ‘stupid blokes trying to be funny’ without any consideration about the impact of their cliché jokes.

The news comes as NHS staff have said they’ve been inundated by young people attending A&E to ask for a ‘new nose to be sewn on’ after their original one was stolen by a grandparent.

Health Secretary Matt Hancock said the situation is becoming impossible to manage, ‘particularly as so many children are demanding that their new nose looks less like their grandad’s thumb.’

Ice cream vans have been hit hard by Covid-19 this year, with so few people visiting parks and open spaces. One ice cream van driver said his business would have ‘gone under’ if it wasn’t for packed beaches throughout the pandemic.

He said, ‘I don’t care what anybody says about them, morons have kept me in business and for that I have to thank Dominic Cummings for making lockdown something that only applied to other people.’