Following the rise in UK ‘staycation’ holidays after travel restrictions due to the coronavirus pandemic, Brits have wasted no time in applying for passports in an effort to ‘get off this godforsaken rock’ as soon as possible.
Speaking from Bognor Regis, fervent Brexiteer, Grant Funding, told us, “I love this country with all my heart and the little intellect I possess, but bloody hell, the thought of holidaying here again is horrifying.
“This was supposed to be a nostalgia-filled trip to give the kids the traditional British holiday that my parents forced me to endure: we’d be free from the beautiful locations, Mediterranean gastronomic delights, and beautiful architecture which has been foisted upon us by those bureaucrats in Brussels!
“But it has been a disaster,” he went on. And on. “The kids were complaining of lack of WiFi before we even reached the end of our street, and since we got here it’s been pissing down. The British teenagers working as hotel staff are rude, lazy, and unhelpful. For some reason all the efficient European staff don’t seem to be here anymore. Must be Covid.
“So we’ve already applied for a new passport, but it’s taking ages as apparently there’s a huge backlog – probably the result of EU red tape. The sooner we get out of Europe the better.
“The moment we receive our passports I’ll be booking a fortnight in Benidorm as usual. It’s fantastic there – really relaxing – I don’t have to worry about the family as we have the EHIC health insurance card thing incase anything goes wrong, and with free movement of goods I can bring back plenty of cheap booze and fags. Brilliant.”